Apologies and Confessions
by HanaKaicho
Summary: For HxHBB '17 Sick and semi-delirious with fever, Killua admits to Leorio how hurt, scared, and invalidated he felt when Bisky had issued her ultimatum about leaving Gon to him. Leorio ends up spilling the beans to Gon and Gon finds himself on another mission to disprove someone who says Killua can't be his friend. Originally on AO3 by me. Cover image by xxlovelyrose95xx on tumblr.
1. Chapter 1

"Brother, why won't you see a doctor?" Alluka asked for what seemed to Killua the millionth time.

"I'm fine, Alluka, Nanika, it's just a cold," he reassured his sisters. _Though it is strange that I got sick in the first place._

"But you never get sick," she insisted. "And you look really tired. Brother, I'm worried."

"I'm fine, promise," Killua said. He looked tired because he'd been having nightmares, but that was pretty standard fare. He _should_ have been fine.

Killua suddenly coughed harshly, earning a distressed look from Alluka, and after a brief and unpleasant silence, he asked, "Would it make you feel better if I agreed to go get some sleep?"

Alluka nodded, so Killua went to his room.

 _I feel like crap,_ Killua thought. _What's going on?_

As he got into bed, he wondered if he should call Leorio at least, but it seemed unnecessary to bother the old man at a time like this.

 **xxx**

Whenever his nightmares started to get bad, Killua moved himself and his sisters to a hotel where Alluka and Nanika could have their own room so he wouldn't wake them up. This time he did it to keep them from getting sick from him, too. This place had two bedrooms, a living and dining area, and a small kitchen.

Because of this, Alluka and Nanika weren't immediately concerned that Killua wasn't already there when they got up to make something to eat.

As time wore on, they started to worry that Killua still hadn't showed up. It was possible that he had gone out before they got up and hadn't returned yet so they decided to focus on entertaining themselves for a little while longer. However, in the midst of considering this possibility, Nanika noticed Killua's phone sitting on the table where he had left it last night when he went to bed.

Killua didn't leave and he hadn't come out of his room yet.

Alluka and Nanika decided it was time to check on Killua. They softly knocked on the door and opened it a little.

"Brother?" Alluka tentatively called.

Killua didn't answer but they could hear him breathing through his mouth and it sounded like he was in pain. They went into the room and went to Killua's bedside. He didn't seem aware of them and now that they were closer he definitely sounded like he was hurting. They reached out their hand to him and touched his forehead.

 _He's so hot! What do we do?_ Alluka asked.

 _ **No good. Need request or order.**_ Nanika responded in the choppy way she normally did when she used words.

 _And I can't do it._ Normally, Alluka not being able to make requests of Nanika wasn't an issue but something like this made it a troublesome rule.

The two of them remembered the phone then and rushed back out into the living area and picked it up.

"Brother's doctor friend was...Leorio?"

Alluka spoke out loud while pulling up Killua's contacts. There weren't many and she found Leorio easily.

"Yo, Killua!" Leorio's voice came through the phone sounding energetic and pleased. "You never call! What's up?"

"Um, Mr. Leorio? This is Alluka, I'm Killua's sister," Alluka said.

"Alluka, huh? You're the one who healed Gon, right? Well done! I should thank you! Things were looking pretty bad there for a while!"

Alluka didn't want to take the credit for Nanika's work but Killua had told them it would be dangerous for people to know about Nanika, so Alluka didn't correct him. "So, uh, the reason I called..."

"Is something wrong? You sound worried," Leorio's voice became softer. "Is something wrong with Killua?"

Alluka blurted out everything, hardly pausing for a breath. "He's really sick! He wouldn't go see a doctor and he didn't get out of bed this morning and his forehead is really hot and the way he's breathing sounds like it hurts and I don't know what to do but you're a doctor right? Can you come help him?"

There was a moment of silence and then they could hear what sounded like rustling sounds, like someone quickly gathering their things. "Alluka, send me your location, I'll come right away. Don't worry, okay? I'll help Killua. Your big brother is gonna be okay, alright?" Leorio said, still sounding like he might have been in the middle of packing.

Alluka thanked Leorio and hung up. Alluka and Nanika breathed a small sigh of relief before texting Leorio the name and address of the place they were staying. Leorio texted back quickly,

 _If Killua's fever is still high, get some washcloths and wet them with cool water and put them on his forehead, one at a time. It should at least help make him more comfortable. Don't worry, I'll be there soon._

Alluka returned to Killua's bedside with washcloths like Leorio had suggested and placed one on Killua's forehead. After something of a flinch, his features seemed to relax and he sighed slightly but he didn't open his eyes.

"Brother?" Alluka called quietly.

"'m okay, Alluka, Na…nika, don't...worry..." Killua murmured. He didn't really seem awake but he was present enough to reassure them and that made them smile.

 **xxx**

Leorio arrived that evening and immediately went in to check on Killua.

"Has he been awake at all today, Alluka?" he asked as he checked Killua's vitals. "Has he eaten or drank anything?"

"He was talking a little for a while and I was able to get him to drink some water then but that's it," Alluka said. "There was a while where he was talking in his sleep too and he seemed really upset, like he was having a nightmare. He wouldn't wake up though…"

Leorio heard the worry in her voice and stopped what he was doing. He knelt down in front of Alluka, put his hands on her shoulders, and said, "I won't let anything bad happen to Killua, got it? Your big brother Leorio is gonna take care of everything, okay?"

Alluka nodded.

"Have you had anything to eat or drink today?" he asked.

Alluka nodded. "I got some snacks when I came to get Brother water and I ordered lunch like we usually do when we stay in for the day."

"You're a good kid, aren't you?" Leorio said with a grin, patting Alluka's head. "Better than your stubborn brother here at least."

She giggled at his praise.

"Why don't you get some dinner while I finish my exam?" Leorio suggested.

Alluka agreed cheerily and left the room to make herself something. Leorio's presence and confidence had clearly put her more at ease and both of them were happy about that.

Leorio continued his examination of Killua, pausing to change the towel on Killua's forehead. When Leorio laid the fresh towel on Killua's head, Killua stirred and his eyes opened part way.

"Killua? Can you hear me, buddy?" Leorio tried to get Killua's attention. "Can you tell me how you're feeling?"

"Like crap," Killua answered, though he still seemed out of it. After a pause, with confusion on his voice, Killua said "Leorio? Wait, where's Alluka? Did she…"

Killua fell back to sleep as suddenly as he has woken up.

"Your little sister is fine, man. Sleep it off," Leorio reassured Killua even though Killua wouldn't hear him.

 **xxx**

"How is Brother?" Alluka asked when Leorio came out of Killua's room.

"It looks like he's going to be okay, but his fever is still pretty high, so I think I'm going to keep an eye him tonight," Leorio said. "It seems to just be a nasty cold though. He should pull through just fine."

Leorio had only told Alluka part of the truth. Killua did have cold-like symptoms but that wasn't the root of the problem. Killua actually had a form of Nen poisoning that was at the time being called Distress Induced Nen Toxicity but was often colloquially referred to as a Nen cold due to the cold-like symptoms it usually presented with. His Nen was turning toxic because of something deeply upsetting him and it was poisoning him. It seemed Transmuters were especially vulnerable to the disease. Leorio knew how to address Nen colds in theory, but each case was different and getting Killua to open up about his feelings was certain to be difficult.

Something must have been really eating at Killua for it to get this bad. Nen colds normally arose from significant emotional distress or troubled thoughts, and the fact that Killua hadn't had a Nen cold before meant he had a high tolerance for that sort of thing, unsurprisingly.

However, the Nen cold meant that the nightmares Alluka noticed were going to get worse before Killua got better. He needed to let out what was upsetting him and, ideally, resolve it.

Leorio wondered what could possibly be the issue causing Killua such a huge amount of distress or pain. Did it have something to do with Gon? Or with Killua's childhood? Illumi? The Chimera Ants?

"Mr. Leorio?"

Alluka's voice interrupted Leorio's reverie.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Leorio?"

"Just Leorio is fine," he said with a smile, patting her head again. "And no, everything is fine."

Leorio stayed up with Alluka a while longer before suggesting she go to bed. She agreed to so he walked her to her room.

"Do you want me to tuck you in? Or tell you a bedtime story?" Leorio asked.

"No, I'm fine," Alluka responded. "Brother likes to do it but I'm used to going to bed on my own. No one ever really did that for me when I was growing up after they…Um, just look after Brother, okay? I'll be fine!"

"A-alright," Leorio said, feeling off balance the way he often did when he heard about Killua's childhood on occasion. "Sleep well, Alluka. I'm gonna watch over your brother tonight. It will be fine."

"Okay!"

"Good night."

After Leorio closed the door to Alluka's room, he had to take a moment to collect himself. The thought of the amount of neglect and violence that must have gone into Killua and Alluka's childhoods was difficult to stomach.

He eventually succeeded in pulling himself together and wiped his eyes and went into Killua's room to watch him for the night.

 **xxx**

"Gon...don't go."

It was very late and Leorio had dozed off slightly when he was roused by Killua talking in his sleep.

"Gon...don't make me leave him. I don't want to leave him! _Gon!_ "

It was easy to forget that Killua was still a kid but the pathetic whine he let out upon waking from the dream reminded Leorio that his very scary and very talented assassin friend was, at the moment, just a sick young boy. It was the kind of whine that children, spent from sickness and fever, let out when they encounter any negative emotion in their semi-delirious state of exhaustion.

"Killua, stay with me, buddy," Leorio said. "Listen. You have a Nen cold. You need to work out what's upsetting you so much or you aren't going to get better. Your mental state is making your Nen poison you."

"I'm fine, I'm immune to poison," Killua grumbled.

"Yeah, yeah, and you can't feel pain either, right?" Leorio retorted.

"...It's not that it doesn't hurt but it doesn't bother me."

"Uh-huh, that's what I heard. And anyway, this isn't like a regular poison, it's not just in your blood or in your digestive system, it's your Nen. You're not gonna just will yourself through this so come on and spit it out."

There was a stubborn silence from Killua before Leorio said more kindly, "Hey, man, it's not like I'm gonna judge you. What could I even judge you for?"

The feeling in the air changed as Killua relented.

"Promise me," he said.

"Huh? Promise?"

"You won't tell anyone. Not Alluka, not Gon, no one. Promise."

"I got it. It's a promise."

Killua told Leorio about their misfortune investigating the chimera ants initially and how they had been told to defeat two assassins, Knuckle and Shoot, before being allowed back to the NGL to rejoin the ant hunt. He brought up how Palm had gotten in touch with Bisky and brought her in to train the boys. Killua said they had trained with Bisky for a month to work up to the task.

Killua stopped talking and curled in on himself slightly. Leorio guessed they were getting to what was bothering Killua.

"The night before our last chance to fight those guys, I did some special training with Bisky while Gon slept," he said, voice sounding tight. "She told me that the way I had been trained to fight made me weak. She told me that because I always fight looking for a chance to escape that one day...I would...leave Gon behind to die. She said if I couldn't overcome that and defeat Shoot, I had to leave Gon's side. I've never felt so terrified of losing something."

"Wait a sec," Leorio interrupted. "I thought you said you were fighting this guy the next night! Isn't asking you to overcome years of training overnight asking too much?"

Leorio didn't doubt the truth of Killua's words in this state, too out of it to hide his feelings and lie, but this was starting to sound ridiculous. What kind of sadistic freak teacher would impose that kind of rule?

"I lost. I couldn't defeat him. I kept trying to run away no matter how hard I tried to fight against Illumi's voice in my head," Killua continued. "I couldn't stop thinking about what Bisky said and what Illumi taught me. We only fought for a couple of minutes before I totally lost my nerve and gave up. I was weak, just like Bisky said."

"Now hang on," Leorio tried to interject. "You're not weak, hell no! And asking you to break through the _brainwashing_ your family forced onto you your whole life in one night is totally ridiculous! It's outrageous!"

"She knew. She could see I wasn't good enough for Gon," Killua said. "I've always known it, I just didn't want to believe it. My brother knows it, Bisky knows it, anyone with eyes can see it! But I-!"

Killua sounded anguished as he cried out, " _I didn't want to leave Gon!_ I _love him_ and he's my _best friend_. But I can't do anything for him. I just put him in danger I can't protect him from."

Killua only managed to cry for a few moments before the combined excess snot from his cold and his crying dislodged and hit his throat, triggering a coughing fit. Leorio sat Killua up and leaned him forward to rest his torso on Leorio's arm so he could cough out any mucus that came free more easily. Killua coughed a few more times before leaning heavily into Leorio and letting out a couple more sobs.

"Wanna hear the worst part, Leorio? I found one of Illumi's needles in my head later. He'd been there _literally_ inside my head that whole time. I wasn't ever gonna be able to beat Shoot like that. I didn't even notice it until I was fighting this ant later. Gon didn't have his Nen and if that guy had beaten me, he would have killed Gon. But I didn't realize the needle was there until I needed to fight against Illumi's influence so badly because if I didn't _Gon was actually going to die_."

Killua voice betrayed how defeated he felt when he said, "It's why I left Gon. I'm...not going to see him again. I miss him so much but I don't deserve it. I don't deserve to be his friend. Everyone is right. Bisky just gave me the reason."

Leorio shifted Killua into a supportive hug. "Hey, man, you know Gon considers you his friend no matter what, right? No matter what that Bisky asshole said, no matter what your creepy brother said, Gon cares about you too. You should have seen what he did to Illumi when he found out what he said to you about not having the right to be his friend. He came in and ripped that guy right out of his chair and held him over his head, crushed the bones in his forearm too. Told him he didn't have the right to be your brother. Gon is a hell of a kid and you're really important to him."

"Don't tell anyone," Killua said, sounding like he was drifting off again. "Don't tell…don't tell Gon…. He'll come find me…. He'll start a fight…with Bisky…."

Leorio had been paying attention to the state of Killua's Nen since he started talking and was relieved to notice it becoming slightly more stable and less toxic. Leorio laid Killua back down as he continued muttering and waited for him to fall asleep before allowing himself to doze as well.

He needed to go shopping tomorrow.


	2. Chapter 2

Leorio woke to the sound of cereal being poured into a bowl in the kitchen. He stretched and went out to the kitchen.

"Hey Alluka, did you sleep well last night?" Leorio asked.

Alluka nodded. "How is Brother?"

"He's going to be just fine! Can you watch him for a bit while I go out? I need to buy some things."

"'Kay!" came the reply.

"Alright! I'll be back soon!" Leorio said.

 **xxx**

Honestly, Leorio was lucky that treating Nen colds was a easy as it was. Considering how dangerous they could be, it was fortunate for everyone involved that clearing it up with venting emotions was the majority of the treatment. Otherwise, Nen colds that were caught early were mostly treated for symptoms, like fever. Killua's had been pretty bad so Leorio planned to give him a fever reducer but on his trip there, Leorio's fever reducer had gotten jostled out of place and spilled so he needed to make another batch.

It took a while but Leorio finally managed to get together the things he needed. After he'd gotten the ingredients he needed for the medicine, he had decided to get some food for himself and head back to the hotel where Alluka and Killua were. On his way though, he saw a very familiar tower of dark hair and an equally distinctive green outfit.

"Leorio!"

"Gon!"

Gon jumped into a hug with Leorio. It hadn't been that long since they'd last seen each other but seeing one another was always a joyful experience, especially with Gon's exuberance.

"Did you change your cologne, Leorio? You smell different," Gon asked.

Leorio took a whiff of himself as he answered. "No, same stuff as always. What are you up to out here, Gon? I thought you went home."

"Ah, yeah, I guess I didn't want to go back yet," Gon said, looking like he felt a little awkward.

"No?" Leorio asked.

"I guess… I miss Killua. He's off traveling with his sister right now and the last time I was on Whale Island, it was with him so..." Gon trailed off.

A few awkward moments of silence passed between them as Leorio considered the risks of telling Gon that Killua was right here in the same city and also missing him. It was pretty clear that Killua wouldn't want Leorio to tell Gon where he was, but...

Gon gave an embarrassed chuckle and said, "Sorry for bringing up something weird like that. Why are you here, Leorio?"

Leorio faltered. He hadn't even considered that he might want or need go back on his promise to not tell anyone what Killua said. He had been focused on helping his patient instead. Sometimes you had to tell little lies to keep people calm so you could help them.

Leorio knew he shouldn't tell Gon that Killua was here or that he was sick and especially not that he was sick because another person told him he didn't deserve to be Gon's friend, but at the same time, he knew that he had to tell Gon. Killua was undoubtedly right. Gon would demand that they go see Killua and then certainly rush off to confront their master. Gon took to people policing his friendship with Killua almost as badly as Kurapika took to spiders. But not only did Gon have a right to know, it was probably the only way Killua would actually get completely better. He was doing better now after venting what was wrong but Leorio knew better than to think that Killua would actually manage to get better just from that. He felt things too powerfully.

"Hm?" Gon looked at Leorio inquisitively, waiting for an answer, and then a look of realization passed over his face. "Ah! Leorio! You smell like Killua! You're here with him! He's here!"

The excitement and joy that suddenly lit up Gon's face faded to unhappiness just as quickly. "I…'m not sure if he wants to see me though."

The look on Gon's face was what settled the matter for Leorio. "Gon, let's get something to eat. I'll tell you why I'm here."

 **xxx**

As expected, Gon was furious when he heard what was wrong with Killua. What Leorio hadn't expected was how sad Gon looked too.

"It's just...I can't believe Bisky said something like that," Gon said. "When we were training, she'd praise us for what a good team we were and how strong we were when we fought together. Why would she say something like that? Why would she try to drive us apart?"

Gon fell silent for a while, fuming. Leorio waited to see if he wanted to say anything else but when nothing was forthcoming, Leorio decided to make a suggestion.

"Do you want to see Killua?"

Gon looked up at Leorio. "Really? You think it would be okay?"

"Well, he'll probably be mad at me for bringing you into this but, I think he'd be really happy to see you so…yeah! I think it'd be good!" Leorio said, seeming confident.

"So… do you want to see Killua?" Leorio repeated.

Gon seemed to consider it for a bit before nodding. "Yeah, I think it would be nice to see him! Besides, when I was sick, Mito always made me feel better with love so maybe I can help Killua feel better too!"

"You really care about Killua a lot," Leorio commented with a smile.

"Of course! I love him! He's very special to me!"

 **xxx**

When the two of them got back to the room, Alluka was coming out of Killua's room.

"How is Killua?" Leorio asked. "Is he still sleeping?"

Alluka shook her head. "He's awake. Actually, he said he wanted to get up for a little bit. Welcome back, Leorio!"

Alluka noticed Gon come in the door behind Leorio and said, "Ah! Gon! Hi! It's good to see you again!"

Killua yanked the door open and thrust his head out. "Did you say-" he was interrupted by a cough and that combined with the sudden exertion of rushing to open made him lean heavily into the doorframe, winded. "Did you say Gon was here?" he wheezed. "Why is-?"

"Killua!" Gon cried. He immediately went to Killua and held him tightly. "Killua! I know it hasn't been that long but I missed you so much!"

Killua weakly tapped on Gon's shoulder. "Gon, I can't breathe…"

"Ah! Sorry, Killua!" Gon released Killua and stood back with an awkward laugh.

Still winded and now without Gon holding him up, Killua started to waver again but this time Leorio stepped up and caught him.

"I'm glad you're feeling better but clearly you aren't ready to be getting up yet, Killua," said Leorio. "Alluka, will you help your brother get back to bed?"

"I'm fine, you don't have to baby me," Killua said, indignantly freeing himself from Leorio's support.

He stood on his own for a moment leaning into the wall again.

Something between a whine and a growl came from Killua. "I'm… still tired. I'm going back to sleep," he said, trying to hide his tiredness with irritation.

"Ah, Killua!" Gon said suddenly as though remembering something important.

"Huh? What is it, Gon?" Killua asked as Alluka slid under Killua's arm to support him.

"I-! Um, actually, never mind. I'm going to see Bisky though so I'm leaving for a while. I'll come back though, okay? Then I'll tell you!" Gon said, flashing Killua one of his signature grins.

Killua blinked in confusion and surprise. "Uh, okay," he said as Gon trotted towards the door. "Hey, wait, why are you-?"

"I'll see you later, Killua!" Gon called, leaving the room.

There was a brief moment of silence after Gon left and shut the door behind him until Killua turned and glared at Leorio. "You told him everything, didn't you?" he growled.

Leorio tried to convince himself that Killua was still too sick, tired, and weak to actually hurt him and wouldn't in front of Alluka anyway but the glare he got from Killua was heartstopping.

"Well what did you want me to do?" Leorio asked, sounding both nervous and defensive. "You should have seen how sad he looked when he said he didn't think you wanted to see him again!"

"I _wanted_ you _not_ to tell him. I didn't even _want_ you to do something! I wanted you to _NOT_ do something and somehow you couldn't even manage that!" Killua raged.

As Leorio fumbled for a response, what he has just said clicked for Killua. _Gon was sad because he thought I didn't want to see him again…_

Interrupting both of them, Alluka said, "Brother, be nice! He was just trying to help!"

"Forget it, it's not worth getting that upset over," Killua said, clearing his throat. "He would have found out anyway. If he'd asked me I would have probably told him too," he paused for a moment before muttering, " _Though I would have put up more of a fight than you probably did._ "

Killua looked winded. He felt winded. Being sick like this sucked.

"Sorry I freaked out on you like that," Killua said. "Can you go with Gon and make sure he doesn't do anything too stupid or dangerous? You know what kind of things he can do when he gets all emotional like that. He's probably not thinking clearly."

"Yeah, I gotcha. But! You're still my patient and you're still sick so back to bed! Doctor's orders!" Leorio said, eliciting a giggle from Alluka.

"Yeah, yeah, I got it…"

Killua got back into his bed and Alluka left, promising to get Killua something to eat and return. Gon had tried to cover it up but the worry on his face when he saw Killua had been pretty plain.

 _I must look worse than I thought._ _Though I suppose getting winded running to the door would have done it…,_ he thought.

Killua groaned, frustrated. Gon was definitely going to do something stupid. And right after giving him these feelings too…

 **xxx**

Gon had left the room pretty suddenly, feeling confident, but he realized suddenly he had no idea how to find Bisky. It wasn't like he had her phone number or email address.

 _Hmm, how did we meet up with her last time?_ He thought, trying to recall. The memories of the times around when he and Killua had been going after the Chimera Ants were pretty fuzzy and he couldn't remember most of them well. The period when they were training with Bisky was generally a little clearer but try as he might, he couldn't find the answer.

"Agh! I can't just go and ask Killua! It will ruin my setup..." Gon said out loud to himself

"Setup?" a voice questioned from Gon's side.

"Ah! Leorio!"

"Yo," he answered with his usual genial tone. "So what's wrong? What can't you ask Killua?"

Gon looked down, feeling frustrated and maybe a little embarrassed. "Well, I don't know how to get in touch with Bisky and when I try to remember how we got in touch with her last time she trained us, I can't. It's like I know what happened but I still can't remember it. I know Palm had something to do with it, but..."

"Well that part lines up with what Killua told me. He said Palm was the one who got Bisky to come in," Leorio said, trying to sound encouraging. "Why don't you call Palm and ask her how she got in contact with Bisky? You have her contact info, right?"

Gon looked like he still felt a little discouraged by the fact that he couldn't remember that event, but he called Palm anyway. She was happy to pass along Bisky's number to Gon, though she did tease him slightly for not just looking Bisky up on one of the websites available to Hunters for gathering information.

"Still, I'm happy I got to talk to you, Gon," Palm said. "Good luck with whatever it is you need to talk to her about. I'll send the number to you after we hang up."

"Thanks again, Palm! Bye!" Gon said, hanging up.

Gon's phone buzzed a moment later with the arrival of Bisky's number and Leorio noticed a shift in Gon's aura.

"So what's the plan, Gon?" Leorio asked, quite certain that Gon was getting angry again. He didn't want to let Gon sabotage his own plan right from the start.

"It's obvious, isn't it? I'll call up Bisky and ask her where we can meet and then I'll make sure she knows she hurt Killua and put him in danger and that no one gets to tell Killua whether or not he can be my friend but me!" Gon said, getting visibly heated again.

"Okay, okay, but take a breath first," Leorio said, trying to calm Gon down.

Gon put his hands on his knees, closed his eyes, and took a breath like Leorio suggested. He finished up with a shake of his head and said, "Okay! Let's call Bisky!"

The phone rang a few times before Bisky answered.

"Hello, Gon," Bisky answered in her usual, high voice.

"Eh? How did you know it was me? We didn't exchange-?"

"Everyone's contact information is online, Gon. Isn't that how you got mine?"

"Uh, no, I asked Palm for it. She said the same thing…" Gon trailed off a little.

"Well, that aside, why did you call?" Bisky asked, getting straight to the point.

"There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Clearly, given that we're talking on the phone."

Gon made a face but pressed on. "Could we talk in person?"

"Well, I don't have any pressing jobs at the moment so I suppose that's doable. Send me the location. I'll leave tomorrow," Bisky said, hanging up.

"That was fast," commented Leorio. "What did she say?"

"She said to send her where I wanted to meet."

"Well that was easy enough! Nice job!" Leorio said. "Where are you going to meet her?"

Gon hadn't actually considered that yet, a fact that became clear when he crossed his arms and his brow knitted.

"Didn't think that far ahead, huh?" Leorio said. _No surprise there._

"Should I have Bisky meet me here?" Gon suggested.

"Huh? Why?"

"So she can apologize to Killua!"

"Hmm."

Leorio now made the same face as Gon had been, resting a curled finger just above his chin. "Risky, don't you think? And what about Killua? Will he be okay with that?"

"Well, he'll probably be mad, but it will make him get better, right?" Gon said.

"It's possible," Leorio said. "It would depend on how the apology goes probably. Would she even apologize?"

"I'll make her apologize!" Gon said confidently.

Leorio couldn't really come up with any response he thought might sway Gon so with that, it was settled that Gon was going to invite Bisky to town to apologize to Killua. Gon initially thought he would meet with her at the restaurant where he and Leorio had met and discussed Killua being sick but Leorio suggested they meet at a nearby park instead. There was no way that conversation was going to last a whole meal inside the restaurant, assuming they even managed to order anything. Leorio couldn't leave some hapless server to get stiffed by his young friend.

"Alright, should we go back to Alluka and Killua?" Leorio suggested.

"No," Gon said. "I can't go back and see Killua yet. I'll see you later, Leorio!"

Gon turned and ran off, heading for the edge of town. Leorio guessed he was probably headed for the forested area just outside of town.

"Mountain kid… why would he choose to sleep outside in the woods when he could stay in a perfectly good hotel room with the rest of us?" Leorio grumbled. "He's a Hunter now, he could even afford his own room if he didn't want to stay with us. Money means nothing to these kids…"

Leorio typed out a text to Gon.

 _Are you going to stay out on the woods tonight? What are you doing?_

Gon took a while to respond but finally replied,

 _Yeah, I'll be fine! I have a plan! See you later!_


	3. Chapter 3

Gon did not have a plan.

Bisky was due to arrive in a couple of hours and Gon felt disorganized and even a little overwhelmed with his emotions all running together. Anger that Bisky had hurt Killua and was still hurting him. Frustration that he was having to confront someone else about telling Killua that he didn't have the right to be Gon's friend. Betrayal at the fact that Bisky was at the center of the whole thing, someone he trusted.

He paced around under the tree he had slept in the previous night trying to sort himself out but he ended up just stewing and getting more upset as he did so.

Gon closed his eyes and laid his forehead against the tree. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself but it didn't seem to work. He kept thinking about what Leorio had told him Killua said and how Killua had looked when he had gone to see him that day, winded and flushed after just crossing a room and opening a door.

After only managing to get more worked up, Gon decided to head to the park where he was supposed to be meeting Bisky and sent her the address on his way.

 **xxx**

When he got to the park, Gon took a seat on a bench at the park he had given Bisky directions to. He rested his forearms on his thighs and looked at the ground between his feet, trying again to calm himself.

A short while later, Gon looked up and saw Bisky coming down the pathway towards him and straightened up. It seemed to take forever for her to reach him.

"Hello, Gon," Bisky said pleasantly, sitting at the bench next to Gon. "You're looking well. What are you and Killua up to these days?"

"Killua is sick and it's your fault," Gon said.

"Excuse me?"

"He has a Nen cold because he's still hurting because you told him to leave me!" Gon's temper started to rise. "Leorio told me Killua said you told him if he couldn't beat Shoot that he had to leave me like you had any say in whether or not he's allowed to be with me! He panicked in the middle of his fight with Shoot because he was thinking about what you said and he lost his nerve! What if it had been a real fight? He could have gotten hurt! You put him in danger!

"How could you tell Killua something like that?" Gon said, his jaw tight and his fists clenched. "Why does everyone try to tell Killua he isn't good enough to be my friend?!"

Gon stood and started to yell. "No one gets to decide who gets to be my friend but me! No one gets to tell Killua whether or not he's good enough to be my friend but me! Just me! I don't care how many people I have to tell! Killua is my friend because I say he's my friend and no one else has any damn say in it! So if someone has an issue with our friendship, they can come and talk to me about it! Get in line and I'll take care of you all one by one!"

Others at the park had stopped their various activities and were staring. Bisky looked up at Gon calmly from where she sat and didn't say anything right away. Her lack of reaction initially riled Gon up but he remembered feeling like this when he had yelled at Killua back when they were trying to get Pitou to come and heal Kite. His guilt about snapping at Killua about that sprang up and he calmed down and sat back down.

If there was one memory Gon recalled well from that time, it was that moment. He still felt awful for what he said to Killua in that moment. It didn't really feel like it had been him but it had been him and he had hurt Killua with his words just as Bisky had.

"I thought I could trust you, Bisky," Gon said, subdued. "You always praised us for how we worked together and what a good team we were. You made me feel like you supported us. Why would you try to drive Killua away from me?"

Unable to hold himself together anymore, Gon started to cry, feeling overwhelmed by all the different thoughts and feelings rushing through his brain. His frustration and determination to make sure Bisky understood what she had done had been keeping him together but when he got that out, he lost focus and started to fall apart.

"So?" Bisky prompted as though she expected Gon still had more to say. "Is that all you wanted to see me for? To criticize my methods of training you two and tell me you've lost faith in me?"

Gon tried to refocus. "No," he said decisively. "I want you to apologize to Killua."

"Apologize? Because you think I was too hard on him?"

"Yes."

Bisky crossed her arms and heaved a small sigh. "Well, I see your point. It seems I may have said the wrong thing to Killua then and hindered him instead of strengthening him. Further, if it is what I said that is causing his illness, I suppose it would be reasonable to offer my assistance in helping him recover. Very well, I will talk to Killua.

"But first," she said. "You need to know that I told Killua that because I was afraid that with the way he always tried to run whenever things got bad, one day he would run and leave you behind when you needed him. I was trying to prevent you from mistakenly coming to believe you could rely on him and finding out that you couldn't when you needed him the most. You already let yourself get into more dangerous situations when you think he can bail you out because you trust him so much. So the clear choice was to convince Killua to leave you since you can't be swayed with logic so easily."

"Killua would never do that!" Gon protested.

"We can talk more about this later," Bisky cut off any further rebuttal. "First, let's go see Killua. I want to get this taken care of."

"Osu!" Gon replied, standing and beginning to lead the way.

 **xxx**

"Gon! What the hell did you do?" Killua demanded when Bisky walked into his room. "Why is that old hag here?"

Bisky's voice got tight and she clenched her fist as she said, "You're lucky you're sick, brat, or I'd..." She stopped and shook her head. "That's not what I'm here for."

She stood up straight and made eye contact with Killua.

"Killua, you have come a long way from the scared little boy who only thought of running when he fought that I saw just a year ago," Bisky said. "Gon has made it clear that he feels that I caused you undue stress and pain with the ultimatum I issued you back then and perhaps he's right. It was wrong of me to put that kind of pressure on you in that short of a time, though I did do it in the interest of making you stronger and protecting Gon. I now also understand that even if the fear of having to leave him may have spurred it on somewhat, separating from Gon would only have hindered your growth. I offer my apologies."

Killua couldn't really process what was going on. The whole situation seemed surreal. Bisky basically admitting she was wrong about something and apologizing? To him?

But as strange as it was, he had to admit he liked it. Warmth grew in Killua's chest as Bisky gave her approval for him to stay by Gon's side.

"Furthermore, it appears I was worried about the wrong one of you two abandoning the other!" Bisky's tone suddenly changed as she turned to Gon, obviously about to start lecturing. "I've already heard that how you ended up in that hellish state in the hospital was because you ran off alone and left Killua behind so you could take on one of the Royal Guards on your own ! You two were supposed to work together, were you not ?"

Gon looked shocked at the sudden change in atmosphere.

"At least you abandoned Killua to your own peril more than his but you should have known better than this! Killua underestimates his ability and overestimates that of his opponent but you don't even care! You get emotional and throw caution to the wind! You don't even overestimate yourself, you just don't care!" Bisky continued. "Don't look down on your friends like that! When you act like you aren't valuable or important, you only insult their judgement."

Gon looked like a scolded puppy, which wasn't really too far off from the truth.

"Do you understand me?" Bisky asked sternly.

"Osu..." Gon said with a clear pout in his voice.

"Well, since I've done what I came here for, I'm going home," Bisky said. "Killua, get well soon. Gon, remember what I told you."

"Osu," said both boys together.

After Bisky left, Gon went to Killua's bedside, hanging his head.

"I'm sorry, Killua," Gon said.

"Huh? Sorry for what?" Killua responded.

"I didn't mean to look down on you! And I'm sorry for telling Bisky about what you told Leorio and bringing her here. I knew you wouldn't like it but I just got so mad that I wanted her to apologize for hurting you! And I'm really really sorry about what I said to you back when I was losing control trying to get Kite back!" Gon wailed his apologies before lunging into a hug with Killua.

Looking flustered, Killua rubbed Gon's back to calm him down and awkwardly forced out, "H-hey, come on, don't cry! I've already forgiven you for that stuff, idiot! Come on, pull yourself together, geez..."

When Gon finally calmed down, he said, "Thank you, Killua. I won't ever let anyone tell you you can't be my friend ever again."

Killua's eyes widened and his mouth popped open when Gon said that but eventually he closed both and a smile accompanied by a blush blossomed on his face. "Thank you, Gon," he said.

 **xxx**

With Leorio watching over him and with Killua's emotional state improving thanks to Bisky's apology, and Gon's, Killua's health quickly recovered and soon he was totally healthy again.

"Hey, Gon," Killua said as they finished breakfast one morning after Leorio had left. "Weren't you going to say something before? That day you first came by when you were about to leave?"

Gon looked confused at first but then excited, remembering.

Killua gave Gon a confused and suspicious look. "What were you going to say?"

Gon walked up to Killua and grabbed his hands. He looked into Killua's eyes seriously before breaking into a big smile as he said, "I love you, Killua!"

Killua tried to retreat but Gon still had hold of his hands so he couldn't get far. "You...you what?" he stuttered.

"I love you!" Gon repeated, throwing his arms around Killua's neck and pulling him into a kiss, stunning Killua.

Gon broke the kiss a moment later and laughed. "I've been wanting to do that for so long! I love you so much, Killua!" he said, squeezing Killua into a hug this time.

When Killua's mind finally unfroze he tried to push Gon off, protesting, "Idiot! You'll catch my cold!"

Gon squeezed Killua tighter and nuzzled into him. "Nen colds aren't contagious," he said. "Leorio already told me that! And even if they were, I'd still want to hug you like this!"

Killua felt his heart take to the skies. He loved Gon and he loved feeling loved by Gon who never judged or treated him unfairly. Feeling tears of happiness welling in his eyes, Killua hugged Gon back and said quietly, "I love you too, Gon."

so i know you said you were worried about characterization but i think you did a really nice job getting the characters' voices down. i'm especially impressed with your bisky since, like i said earlier, she's a tough one to nail down - all the more so when you're trying to show her admitting that she was wrong about something. i know you were also struggling with finding a reason for this whole thing to happen in the first place, so i want to let you know that i actually really like the idea of the "nen sickness" that you have here. to me it makes sense that someone's nen could turn on them because of significant psychological turmoil. my only suggestion for any major editing is to go over the earlier portion of chapter one again (before leorio shows up) and make sure the tense is consistent with the rest of the story. there were a few awkwardly worded spots in there, but overall nothing too bad. overall i really enjoyed this! especially how gay you and killu are. and how sweet leorio is. you're gay. i'm gay. this fic is gay so i love it.


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